Heavy In Your Arms
by KrystalKayne
Summary: Struck down with sickness, Elizabeth asks Phillip to do the impossible. Rolls end up reversing but will the outcome be one they want? Or will one lose the love of their life forever?
1. One

I'd been sick for months now. The doctor had tried everything to cure me, to make me better but no medicine had worked. He'd even resorted to the use of a witch doctor, something that was highly frowned upon around here. As the days went on, I'd become weaker, and weaker. I found it harder to find the motivation to get up every morning; I just couldn't find the strength. I couldn't even sit up in the mornings. There was one up side though. Every morning, my beloved was there when I awoke and that always brought a smile to my face. It gave me the slightest bit of hope even though I knew my days were numbered. My beloved and I had talked about this inevitable fate many a time – when I had the strength to of course. Despite how quiet and raspy my voice had become, I always made sure I took the time to speak to him at least once a day. We'd always spoken about the same thing; we'd dream of everything we would do together once I was well again. We were hoping for a miracle but the sad reality was that it was never going to come. No matter how often we prayed; No matter how often we wished upon a shooting star it was never going to happen, it'd been going on for too long now and we both were slowly losing all hope – although, my hope had diminished long ago.

It broke my heart to see my beloved the way he was. Despite the brave face he put on for me, I could tell by his eyes that he was no longer the same. He'd stuck by me all this time when he'd had every opportunity to leave me. But he didn't. Not once had he even contemplated, he'd said so on numerous occasions. He always reassured me of his love in hope it would increase my spirits which it did, but only for a brief moment. A heavy sigh passed my lips as I watched him walk around the room, making final preparations for what was about to happen. I'd always been stubborn, and my mind was made up. This was going to happen, there was no challenge to my decision. My beloved had made many attempts to change my mind, each just making my decision all the more clearer.

* * *

_I was a heavy heart to carry, my beloved was weighed down.  
My arms around his neck, my fingers laced to crown._

* * *

"**Please, Elizabeth. There has to be another way"  
"No, Phillip! My mind has been made up, it has for weeks now, this is the **_**only**_** way"**

I could see a singular tear begin to trickle down his cheek. It was a rarity to see him cry, and it was that single tear that made me doubt myself for a second; I couldn't let that happen.

"**Is it time?"**

Was his question to me; a question that had an obvious answer.

"**Yes"**

I responded in a sure tone. He walked over to my bed where'd I'd been sitting for the past little while, placing a delicate kiss upon my pale lips. My cheeks flushed a light crimson colour as our faces parted; the taste of his lips lingering on my own. A sigh left my lips as his arms wrapped around my frail frame; they cradled me protectively as he lifted me from the bed. My arms wrapped around his neck; my fingers lacing together and resting on the base to help with my weight, not that it was any use.

He carried me from the bed and out the front door; the cold air hitting my skin and causing an instant shiver.

"**We must go back inside"  
"No! Please, I want to do this. It is the only way to set you free"  
"Setting me free would do nothing if you are not by my side. You are my soul mate, this ring says so"  
"Please, I am begging you. This has to be done; I feel it in my heart"**

* * *

_I was a heavy heart to carry, my feet dragged across the ground.  
And he took me to the river, where he slowly let me drown._


	2. Two

He was still trying to change my mind. As this day had drawn closer he'd been doing his utmost to do so but every time it failed. It hurt me to do this too him, to see him so broken inside. With great reluctance, he continued around the side of the dwelling, his paces slowly with each step. He was dreading this, it was obvious. Inhaling a deep breath, my icy blue eyes focused on the clearing in the forest as it neared. My heart was beating out of my chest, even I was beginning to dread this fate and I was the one who'd wanted it all so badly. As we neared the trees, the rushing sound from the river began to echo passed my ears. Taking in a deep breath I felt Phillip's strength halter, my legs falling to the ground. He didn't understand this was as hard for me as it was him.

"**I am sorry, Elizabeth. I cannot do this"  
"You can, Phillip. I will be in a better place if you do"  
"But I cannot. I cannot be the reason behind my beloved not living"  
"You will not be the reason. I am the only reason for this happening. I am the one who fell ill"  
"I do not want to live without you, I will not be able to"  
"Yes you can, Phillip. Just know in your heart that you have helped me seek peace, a peace only you can give me, please…"**

He knew his battle was lost, there was no point in trying to fight it any longer, I would've just found another to complete the task. The sound of the rushing river became louder as he neared it; my body no longer cradled as my feet began to drag along the ground creating a trail of our travels.

It didn't take us long to get to the river; it was only a few hundred yards away from our home. My heart began to beat out of my chest again as the rushing of the river began to become clearer and much louder. Thoughts were consuming my mind and some I didn't want there. All the positive things were taking over as if they were an omen to tell me to stay. I didn't want to. My destiny was written for me already. I had only a few weeks left on this earth and I wanted to leave on my own terms.

We arrived at the water's edge. I could smell the freshness of the water as the spray hit the rocks further downstream.

"**It is time, my love"**

I murmured. He attempted to cradle my body again, only just achieving it. I closed my eyes tightly and pressed my lips together as he began to lower himself to the ground; first on one knee, then two. I took in a deep breath and awaited the feeling of the ice-like water to wrap around my body. It seemed to be taking forever, and I knew it was because Phillip didn't want to put me there. Allowing my eyes to flutter open, my fingers untangled themselves from one another and one of my hands caressed the side of his face. I stared him straight in the eye, my eyes full of love, and adoration but also pleaded to him. He had to do this.

"**Please, you have to do this. My time here is as good as over, it is only a matter of time"  
"I would much rather wait for the day you breathed your last breath than be the one to take it from you"  
"I would much rather you take that last breath from me than some incurable illness"**

I kept my eyes locked with his. I wanted for him to be the last thing that I would ever see, it would be the only way that I would be at peace.

It had taken him a while, but soon enough he started to lower me into the water. I shivered as the water latched onto my skin, inhaling a deep breath as I was further submerged. Most of my body was now underwater, the only thing above it was my head and that was because Phillip was holding it out of the water, still reluctant to do as I have pleaded.

"**If this is the way you must go, may I request one final kiss?"  
"You may, Phillip. You may"**

Our gazed linger again with one another's until our lips connected in a final loving kiss; using all the strength I could muster to make sure it were memorable for him. I always wanted to be with him. I wanted him to know that I would always love and watch over him, but I didn't know the words to explain it. My eyes remained closed as our lips parted; I could feel the water beginning to climb up the sides of my face as my head was lowered into the water.

The second I was fully under water I opened my eyes; watching Phillip intently in hope he didn't try to rescue me. I blinked a few times and then I began to run out of breath, but I could not panic. I began to swallow water unintentionally and felt the need to breathe in; which I did. A normal reaction would be to sit up but I didn't have the strength. It happened over, and over, and over again until nothing but water occupied my lungs. I could see this white light surrounding Phillip as I felt my body begin to fall limp. I shifted slightly in the water before I laid still. My body only shifting through the force of the current travelling downstream. I'd taken my last breath and the last person I'd seen was my beloved – which was exactly how I'd wished to leave this place.

* * *

_My love has concrete feet, my loves an iron ball.  
Wrapped around your ankles, over the waterfall._


	3. Three

Once I'd taken that last breath, I found myself looking down on my lifeless body as Phillip sat there sobbing quietly. I could hear him muttering faintly under his breath in Latin. Why I wasn't too sure. He was fluent in many languages and had been in the middle of teaching me how to speak Latin before I fell ill. I could understand some of it, but not all. Some of it shocked me. He spoke of taking his own life. Walking up the mountain and jumping from the top of the waterfall. A single tear ran down my cheek. How could he speak like this? This was no how I wanted him to be. I wanted him to be free; free of worry, free of having to held back by a sickly woman, a woman who no longer had any need for life. He needed to see the positive of this. He could now go and be whatever he wanted. He'd always spoken of travelling the world, and now he could just do that. I'd lost track of time after a while of watching him. I focussed on his words carefully in attempts to decipher what he was saying. Some of it was so heartfelt; and loving and some was cold, and seemed so cruel and heartless. Soon enough he began to speak in English; his words tugging at my heart as if it wanted to go back, as if it wanted to live again. His voice was hypnotising to me as I watched on. He'd always had a way with words, a way that would always make me weak at the knee and blush.

"**My love, I do not know what I am to do without you; you are my life. I lived for nothing but you and now I have nothing worth living for."**

I wished I could somehow stop listening but I seemed to be cemented in place. Even though I wanted to leave this place, something was holding me here, keeping me from crossing over and I didn't know what it was. Inhaling deeply, my icy blue eyes remained focussed on Phillip as he neared the water's edge.

"**My love, you are the most beautiful woman I've ever laid eyes on. Your eyes, they're hypnotizing; your personality and laugh, infectious. You are more attractive than any woman in the village, the only one that I could stare at and admire for days upon days."**

* * *

_I'm so heavy, heavy, heavy in your arms.  
I'm so heavy, heavy, heavy in your arms._

* * *

Tears, they began to run down my cheek. His words were so heartfelt. I wanted to just reach out and hug him tightly, hold him close to me and just feel his warmth. To hear his heart beat while I rest my ear against his chest. He was my addiction, he always had been; ever since we had met we knew we had a connection. Sparks had flown instantly. Our love had been like no other in the village. We'd known each other for all our lives; give or take a couple of years. There was only two year's difference between our ages, he was 33 and I was 31. He was my protector; he was always there for me whether I liked it or not. We had grown so much as people the deeper we fell in love and to see him like this shattered my heart.

"**You, Elizabeth were the only one for me and that will never change even though you're gone. We will not be apart for long, my love. One day, I will be by your side again, hold you in my arms again, get to love you again. My heart will always yearn for you and as each day passes I know I'm one day closer to seeing you, again."**

Those had been his last words before he reached into the water and pulled my body from it. I could see the strain on his face as he dragged me onto the river bank. I can't have been that heavy, could I? Then I wouldn't know, after all – it's not like I've been dead before. I could see in his eyes that he was scared. How were people going to react seeing him carrying a lifeless body back into the village? It wasn't a common sight so people were definitely going to ask questions, and more specifically – question him.

He cradled my body in his arms like he had earlier only now I was of no aid to him. I just hung there. It was hard seeing myself like that. I'd seen many of the dead over the years but to see myself in such a way was a weird experience.

I slowly followed Phillip as he walked through the forest, winding through the pathway we'd walked before. He was struggling. He was almost as weak as I'd been. My health had taken a huge toll on his own; only his isn't fatal like mine. He stumbled over a root of one of the trees, my body falling to the ground.

"**I am sorry, my love. I am sorry"**

He exclaimed before wrapping his arms around me in a tight embrace.

Watching this caused my chest to tighten. Seeing Phillip like this was just too much but I didn't know how I was supposed to leave. I wanted too, so badly. It was just too much seeing this, all of it. But I was seemingly stuck here. He lifted me up again; I could tell he was being extra careful this time. I continued to follow him to the village, many dropping what they were doing and joining Phillip's side. All of them were asking questions. I don't think he comprehended them though.

* * *

_And is it worth the wait, all this killing time?  
Are you strong enough to stand, protecting both your heart and mine?_


	4. Four

One person's voice did ring loud and clear over all others – my father.

"**What happened?"**

I watched Phillip tense. He'd made a promise to my father that he'd care for me, love me and always protect me, or else. His gaze shifted to my father's, tears gathering in his eyes as he held me tighter.

"**She asked me to take her to the river, to put her in the water. I did not want to, I tried to change her mind, convince her that this was not the way but she said that there was no other way."**

"…**what are you saying, Phillip?"**

"**She wanted me to put her in the river because she knew that she would be too weak to get up and stop herself from dr.."**

"…**from what?"**

I could hear both the anger and sadness in my father's voice. He was also a victim of my stubbornness. I was never one to change my mind once it was made up. I had been the same as a child. In ways, I had always gotten what I wanted but not in that spoilt way. If I had made a decision I hardly varied from it.

"**From drowning. She wanted to die, to leave this place. I tried my hardest, I really did. But her mind was made up. She wanted this as badly as I wanted her to stay. I put it off as much as I could but she had seemed to have written her fate for herself. I will never forgive myself for doing this to my beloved, never."**

Phillip's words began to pull at my heart again. Tears poured down his face as he collapsed to his knees with me still firmly within his grasp. My father joined his side and just stared at me. I wandered towards the pair and knelt beside them, staring at myself also. I was so pale, and my lips were blue; and my eyes were still open. My father reached forwards and delicately shut my eyes before caressing the side of my face.

"**Why, my child? Why?"**

_Because father, because Phillip needed to be free. He could not live his life with me weighing him down. He may have said it was no bother to him, but I could tell he was not taking it well, he needs to be free. _If only my father could have heard those words. I looked at both my father and Phillip for a moment before shifting over to Phillip's other side; I rested my hand against his cheek and ran my thumb against his skin. He flinched under my touch, only he didn't know that it was me. Pressing my teeth down against my lower lip, I shifted over to my father's side and rested my head against his shoulder. A singular tear rolling down my cheek. _I am sorry, so sorry for not saying goodbye._ My words barely made it out of my mouth before I broke down into sobs, but no one could see. No one could comfort me.

* * *

_Who is the betrayer? Who's the killer in the crowd?  
The one who creeps in corridors, and doesn't make a sound._

* * *

I stepped back from the pair, the leave around me ruffling with my movement. Inhaling deeply, my mind began to concoct an idea, it probably wouldn't work but there was no harm in trying. Taking a moment, I began to arrange the leaves that had fallen from the trees; they began to make lines, and these lines began to make letters before finally spelling out 'Phillip'. I stood to the side and watched him, his eyes staring blankly at his name before he hastily looked around as if he were looking for me before realizing I was not there, at least not in the flesh. _I love you Phillip, I hope you always know that. I love you with all my heart._ My father had seen Phillip's name in the leaves too, he tilted his head upwards and stared right at me, a small smile on his face. Could he see me? My heart began to beat out of my chest and I ran to his side. _Father? Father, can you see me? _It was no use because even after I'd moved, he was still looking where I had been standing before. Moving over to where Phillip's name was I messed up the letters and began to spell out 'father' but I had only just started making the 'e' before I felt myself being tugged away. I turned around to find a dark shadow dragging me back towards the forest. I yelled and screamed at the top of my lungs but no one could hear me, let alone help. I clawed at the ground to try slow down but it was no use. I looked back at the shadow again, I recognized him. It was a man who my father had loathed for years, our entire family had. I gasped slightly. What was going on? Where the hell was I? What the hell wasI?

I grabbed a hold of a branch but it just broke off as I was pulled deeper into the darkness. I seemed to have no choice. I let out a loud scream that would be unheard to most ears and then it suddenly stopped. Gasping heavily I turned onto my back to find the shadow gone. I scrambled to my feet and glanced back before I began to run as fast as I could to the clearing but the path seemed to be never ending. I was right back where I started; I'd been running around in circles for god knows how long.

Hours had passed and I began to tire. What was happening to me? I understood I was dead, but everything else. The fact that I was still at the village; that I hadn't properly seen the light that many books had said that you see right before you die made me wonder, what had I become? I turned around in circles, doubling back at the sight of clouds. I ran straight for them, following the path that I'd run just before.

I was going out of my mind but I'd finally found the clearing. Bursting into the light, I found the centre completely dead. There was no one there. It was normally busy with anyone and everyone wanting to trade, or go to the market. Why was today any different? I wandered to the first building, the church and found everyone sitting inside there; a coffin sitting at the front of the room. I gulped. Walking inside, my eyes slowly scanned those that had congregated there; I saw Phillip sitting at the front with my father and little brother. I was scared to walk to the front. I didn't want to see what was inside that coffin, even though I knew it was myself lying in there.

Wow, that was a weird thought.

* * *

_My love has concrete feet, my love's an iron ball.  
Wrapped around your ankles, over the waterfall._


	5. Five

I stood at the back and watched the procession closely, my heart dropped though as Phillip raised from his seat and walked to the podium.

He looked drained. His skin was pale and I could tell he had no sleep. He seemed thinner than normal. Wait a minute. How long exactly had I been running in circles? Had it been days? Weeks? Because I knew it took more than just a few hours for that to happen to a person. If only he knew I was there and that I could see him. Sighing, I walked to the front and stood right in front of him as he stared right through me. I had zoned out to his words and concentrated on his face. My hand caressed his cheek lightly; I felt him flinch beneath my touch. _I love you, Phillip. If only you knew I was with you. Standing right here, in front of you. I miss you, Phillip; like you wouldn't believe._ I knew he couldn't hear me but I just had to say it, in hope; in hope that he at least believed what I was saying. A single tear trickled down my cheek and I leaned forwards; resting her forehead on his chin like I always used to do. In response, Phillip would always wrap his arms around me and hold me close but that wasn't the case at this moment. He didn't even know I was there. He didn't even know I existed, well, I didn't. Not in his world anyways. I looked at the coffin again; did I really want to see myself lying there? I bit my lip harshly and stepped towards the table in which I'd been placed.

Trying to maintain some form of composure I turned around, my eyes scanning those in the church seating. Along with my father and brother; I saw my best friend Natalie, and her husband; her sisters and their partners too. The only other person there that meant anything to me was Alexis; the little orphan girl that had been abandoned here by her parents. I had taken her under my wing, along with a few of the other women in the village and helped look after her until she was able to do most things on her own; it broke my heart to see her in tears and so upset and it was all because of me.

No! I couldn't doubt this. What's done is done, there's no turning back; not now. After Phillip has sat down; I decided to leave. I could take this anymore. I wandered to the church steps and sat there. It felt like hours had passed when it had been less than 30 minutes. People began to pile out and stream down the steps and to their own homes whilst Phillip seemingly remained inside as I didn't see them leave. I glanced back over my shoulder and looked through the door to see him standing there; right in front of that coffin in which my body was confined. He wasn't making a sound. Upping to my feet, I cautiously wandered over to his side; resting my hands on the edge of the coffin continuously glancing between my own pale face and his. _Phillip, I love you. _If only he could hear me. After a little while, he broke down in tears which broke my heart even further and caused me to breakdown myself.

"**Elizabeth… Elizabeth…"**

He repeated my name over and over again as his sobbing got louder, along with mine; only people could hear his and not mine. My attention was caught by a couple of people walking back through the door – my father and Natalie who seemed to be looking just as bad as I had before I passed on. Did she have the same illness as I? Did I give it to her? Now this just made everything worse.

"**Phillip, C'mon my son. You must leave her rest in peace; she's in a better place now."**

Natalie's voice murmured, raspy and quiet whilst my father didn't say a word; he merely stood there as a leaning post for Natalie as she held onto him with a vice-like grip.

"**I know that I should leave, but I cannot will myself to do so; I miss her… I love her"  
"We know, Phillip but it's our only choice."  
"Choices? Do not, I repeat do not talk to me about choices. She chose this fate for herself. She was the one who wanted to die; she wanted me to be free. It was all her choice! So do not dare tell me leaving her to rest is my only choice when I know for a fact I can choose a different path without the help of you!"**

Phillip's voice raised to the loudest I'd ever heard it and I could tell it'd caught Natalie off guard. They had never liked each other and had only ever been civil towards one another when they were in the same room as me.

* * *

_My love has concrete feet, my love's an iron ball.  
Wrapped around your ankles, over the waterfall._


	6. Six

"**What are these other choices Phillip? Please explain these choices to me because I'd really like to know!"  
"Is it not obvious what the other choices are? To be with her. To stay with her. To join her"**

That last one shook me right to the core; what was he saying? I couldn't quite comprehend it. I could tell it has shocked both Natalie and my father – they knew what he meant. Gulping, I stood up and looked down on Phillip, a small wave of anger running through me. _Do not dare do this to me. I chose this path to set you free not to follow me to the grave. I want you to stay here, to live your life and travel the world. I do not want you to join me; you have no place where I am. _I shouted as loud as I could but none of them could hear me. If only I had a pen and a paper; I could write it all down so they could read it.

"**Leave me be, I want to stay with Elizabeth a little while longer; and if you cannot respect my wishes well… go tell someone who cares."**

I could see Natalie bite her tongue to stop herself from retaliating before turn around with the aid of my father. She was just as unwell as I had been…

Inhaling deeply, I turned to face Phillip, while I was staring straight into his eyes, he merely stared right through me before he moved over to beside my coffin again; his hand grazing across my cheek.

"**It won't be long, my love until I hold you in my arms again"**

I watched as he ran out of the church and around the building. I took a moment to comprehend what he was saying before it hit me; he was going to take his own life. _No!_ Running after him as fast as I could, I followed him through the windy path that led up to the top of the waterfall. I'd lost him for a few moments and my heart sank. I didn't want this to happen, any of it at all. Why couldn't he just be free like I wanted? I continued up the path and began to panic once I got to the top, I couldn't see him anywhere! _Phillip! Phillip!_ I yelled at the top of my lungs as I walked to the edge of the waterfall looking downwards. He was gone. Gone… Just like I was. Well, so I thought. I heard the sound of metal dragging along the ground and turned around quickly – it was Phillip! He was carrying shackles with a large weight. _No… You can't, please don't! _I yelled but to no avail. I stood there, watching his every move. He seemed hesitant. Would that mean he wouldn't do it? A small sigh of relief ran through me and a small smile curved my lips.

* * *

The next thing I knew, my eyes were fluttering and I was surrounded by darkness, and rocking slightly from side to side. I tried to get up but I couldn't, I was encased in something.

"**Oh my god.."**

Gasping inwardly, I began to knock against the wood around me in hopes this wasn't a fantasy. Biting down against my lower lip, singular tears began to trickle down my cheek.

"**Let me out! Let me out!"**

I screamed at the top of my lungs and it was then that I felt the coffin be put down and the top lifted off.

"**Elizabeth!"**

I watched my father's face light up as he saw me, a smile gracing my lips as I was helped out of the coffin, my arms wrapping around him as soon as I was on my feet. I didn't want to let go. Ever! Waiting a little bit till I found my voice, I pulled back and looked up at him.

"**Phillip… Where's Phillip?"  
"I don't know, he ran off a little while ago. Natalie's husband ran after him but lost sight, I'm sure he'll be back soon"**

It was at that moment that I flashed back to what I'd seen, my heart skipped a beat.

"**The waterfall!"  
"What about the waterfall?"  
"That's where Phillip is…"  
"How do you kn—"**

Before my father could even finish his question I was off running up the same path I had been previously. Talk about déjà vu. Shaking the thought off, I reached the top to find Phillip still standing there, but before I had the chance to yell out to him, he'd stepped off the edge. I stumbled back a little ways, my body overwhelmed with emotion.

"**Phillip! NO!"**

I yelled before running back down the pathway I'd travelled up and over to the pool the waterfall fell into. I could see the ripples of where Phillip must've fallen in. I took in heavy breaths as people from the village joined me.

"**What happened? Where is he?"**

My father questioned, I had no idea how to respond to that. I'd just watched my husband jump to his death. I was all choked up.

"**H—He jumped.."**

I murmured before something foreign took over my body. I ran to the water's edge and dove in, in search of Phillip. I could see bubbles travelling up to the surface. _It had to be him._ I thought to myself as I swam to the top for a breath of air. Ignoring the calls from the shore, I went back under again; right down to the bottom where Phillip floated. Reaching for the shackles I worked tirelessly to get them undone – he'd been stupid enough to leave the key in the lock but it was a lot harder than one would've thought. Finally twisting it, the chains and clamp came free and I began to kick for the surface again; taking as quick a breath as possible before returning for Phillip.

* * *

_I'm so heavy, heavy, heavy in your arms.  
I'm so heavy, heavy, heavy in your arms._


	7. Seven

I grabbed a hold of his hand, my fingers lacing tightly with his as I pulled him to the surface. He was so heavy I could have sworn we weren't even going towards the top but falling back to the bottom of the pool. I struggled as I began to lose air but all of a sudden I was being aided to the top. Some of the others had dove in after me after the second time I'd surfaced.

They helped me pull Phillip to the top and then over to the shoreline. I dragged him onto the grass, a low groan passing my lips to indicate struggle, but I got there.

"**Phillip!"**

I yelled, but he didn't respond. He wasn't breathing. I got all choked up again as I thought about it. He'd jumped because of me, because he wanted to be with me. If that didn't prove the village of his love then I didn't know what would.

I started to attempt to revive him, I wasn't sure it was working. I attempted to manually pump his heart by applying pressure and breathing air into his lungs from my own. My attempts seemed to be failing though. I slowed down to a stop and began to sob, my body resting over his; my hands clutching his.

"**I'm sorry. I'm so sorry"**

I cried, my head resting against his chest as the others surrounded me, being joined by more from the village. _Another case of déjà vu. _Gasping for air, my father knelt beside me, his hand resting on my back.

"**C'mon Elizabeth, he's gone…"  
"…and it's all my fault."**

I replied as I pulled away, my fingers remaining intertwined with Phillip's as I got to my knees. I didn't want to let go, I couldn't. This must have been what Phillip was feeling when I'd made him put me in the river. Now I understood why he didn't want me to go through with it. Your heart breaking over someone you love so dearly is a painful thing to experience.

"**One more kiss; my love"**

I murmured; leaning down and pressing my lips to his, they were cold and still – just like mine must've been. Resting my forehead against his for a moment, I got to my feet slowly; keeping our hands together as long as possible. Some of the men gathered, ready to carry him back to the village as I turned around and headed down the path with my father only to hear coughing and spluttering echo past my ears.

* * *

_This will be my last confession, I love you never felt like any blessing; Ohhhh.  
Whispering like it's a secret, only to condemn the one who hears it, with a heavy heart._


	8. Eight

I gasped inwardly and spun around to see Phillip turned on his side as he coughed up the water he'd inhaled. I ran back to his side; my arm wrapping around his back as I helped him sit up, tears streaming down my cheeks.

"**Phillip! You're alive"  
"Eli—Elizabeth?"  
"Yes, it's me. It's a miracle"**

A large smile spread across my lips, his arms wrapping around my body in as a tight an embrace that he could muster.

I didn't quite understand what was going on here. A little while ago I was watching everyone else's lives play out as per usual with no one knowing I was here and then all of a sudden I was back in my own body. I have no idea how it happened, and in all honesty I wish I knew because I wanted to be able to understand why I was put back here. Then all of a sudden, I realized something. I'd run earlier, then I swam into the pool and dove down a fair way. I could breathe without struggling and stand without aid. Was I cured? Was I no longer sick? I pulled away from Phillip, staring deeply into his eyes – the vary look that I wore on a daily basis.

"**Oh God, No…"**

I murmured. Don't tell me that now Phillip was the one who was ill. My chest tightened at the thought, my head shaking from side to side as I repeated the word 'no' over and over again before pulling him into another tight embrace. How did this even happen? I was confused beyond belief. Resting my head in the crook of his neck, I began to sob quietly.

"**Elizabeth, my darling; what's wrong?"**

My father's voice rung strong; he was always the calm one when situations were bad. I lifted my head and looked up at him; nothing but sorrow lacing my features.

"**Look at him; what do you see that you've seen before…"  
"H—He looks ill; almost as pale as you… were…"  
"Exactly! But look at me, I seem to be at full health, and Phillip… Phillip is not."**

My words were shaky as my hand caressed the side of face, lightly running down to the back of his neck. This wasn't fair. All Phillip had ever done was love me, and care for me and this is what happened? I didn't understand it, any of it at all. It made no sense; I never meant it to be this way, not at all. I wanted him to be happy, not burdened with illness… burdened with _my_ illness.

I held onto him tightly as we sat there; I could feel his arms feebly wrap around me. He wasn't strong anymore; he'd always been the strong one both physically and mentally, always been the one to put a smile on my face but right now, all he was doing was breaking my heart. What I was feeling right now must've have been what he was feeling whilst I was sick for all those months. After a few moments of just sitting there, I pulled away and willed myself to my feet; adjusting my water-logged clothing before I helped Phillip to his feet. Exhaling a shaky breath, I wrapped an arm around his waist and forced his to drape across my shoulder before leading him down the pathway I'd travelled up twice beforehand and back towards the village. He needed rest and food and to warm up. He was shivering from head to toe.

The roles seemed to be reversed now. Before, he was the one having to hold onto me, to make sure I didn't collapse and that I was safe, but now – that seemed to somewhat be my job, for him. Tears began to steadily flow down my cheeks, this wasn't happening. Everything had gone so, so wrong. I just wanted Phillip to be happy, now he was burdened with sickness.

"**We need to get him to the doctor"  
"He's on his way Elizabeth, he's already confused as to how you've, well.. you know"  
"It's a miracle, father"  
"Yes, a miracle indeed. A great one"**

A small smile curved my lips at that before I put my full focus on helping Phillip back to the village, along the way having help from others so I could have a rest. As a couple of my father's friends took over carrying him back to the village I allowed myself to hang back, so I could think. One decision had caused all this extra trouble. Maybe I hadn't made the right decision. Maybe I was just being selfish... Only thinking of myself and now how what I'd wanted was going to completely change the life of another when it wasn't in my intention.

I could hear the words that Philip spoke that day down by the river clearly in my mind; _my love, I do not know what I am to do without you; you are my life. I lived for nothing but you and now I have nothing worth living for__. _My heart ached at the memory of those words. He seemed so weak that it seemed like he'd never speak again, and that I couldn't bare; not now, especially considering we were both living. _My love, you are the most beautiful woman I've ever laid eyes on. Your eyes, they're hypnotizing; your personality and laugh, infectious. You are more attractive than any woman in the village, the only one that I could stare at and admire for days upon days._ These words made me feel even worse. I choked on a breath and stopped for a moment, my chest tightening and tears threatening to poor down my face. What had I done? To a man I loved so dearly, I ruined his life in exchange for ending my own only to somehow be revived? I was still so confused over the matter. I think everyone was in all honesty.

"**I love you Phillip… I love you, so much"**

I murmured to myself as I watched him being carried off as we entered the boundaries of the village. I remained on the outskirts and just watched as everyone frantically ran around to help him. They didn't even know, or realize I was alive …again. God.. that was an incredibly weird thing to think about.

My heart sank as I heard the frantic shouting of some of the women; I didn't dare interfere. I'd done enough damage as it was. I sat down on beneath the tree in which Phillip and I had engraved our initials into and waited till things had calmed. It seemed to take a while. No one had even noticed that I hadn't followed them all the way. I must've been sitting there a while because the next thing I knew someone was shaking me from my daydream.

* * *

_Heavy, heavy I'm so heavy in your arms.  
(I'm so) Heavy, heavy I'm so heavy in your arms. (I'm so) Heavy, heavy I'm so heavy in your arms.  
(I'm so) Heavy, heavy I'm so heavy in your arms._


	9. Nine

It took me a little while to pull myself back into reality; my eyes fluttering in confusion as I glanced up at my father with a sullen look etched into my features. In all honesty, I felt worse now than what I had when I was sick. I bit down against my lower lip and bowed my head as my father sat down beside me.

"**He is going to be okay, Elizabeth"  
"You do not know that, you saw how he looked"  
"I also saw him just a few minutes ago, he was asking after you"  
"He was?"  
"Yes. I think you should go see him"  
"But I- I cannot, this… this is all my fault. If I hadn't been so, so selfish none of this would have happened"  
"Do not blame yourself, Elizabeth; you wanted him to be free, happy. Your heart was in the right place"  
"Then why does it not feel like it was?"**

I sighed quietly. I still wasn't thinking straight and I doubt I would be for a while. I wrapped my arms around my father tightly and rested against his side; this was all quite surreal. How had the roles been reversed? It just wasn't fair.

I'm not quite sure how long we'd been sitting there for; it had to be an hour at least because my gaze was brought to a figure walking out of the doctor's house alongside a couple of the women who helped the doctor frequently. Squinting to get a better look; I noticed how reluctant they were for help as the figure shrugged off the women's helpful grip.

"…**Phillip?"**

I murmured quietly to myself, scrambling to my feet. I couldn't believe it! He seemed… normal. Biting down against my lower lip, I gathered my dress up in my fists lifting it from the ground and ran towards him. I watched his gaze fall upon me and he did the same and ran in my direction. A large smile curved my lips as did his. He wasn't pale anymore, he looked strong and healthy. _What the hell was going on? _It was the only question running through my mind, I was so confused but that didn't matter, not in the slightest. All that mattered was the fact that Phillip was okay. That's all that mattered now. We met with a tight embrace and he lifted my feet off the ground. I clung to him as if my life depended on it and I didn't want to let go – ever. Tears of joy began to stream down my face and drop onto the material of Phillip's shirt. To say I was happy right now would be an understatement.

"**Never scare me like that again, Phillip – Never!"  
"Only if you promise me one thing…"  
"Which is?"  
"Never think or speak of death again"  
"I promise!"**

I small nod followed my words to confirm them; it was a promise I was willing to keep. All that mattered right now that Phillip was alive and well, that we both were. I nuzzled my face lightly into the crook of his neck as he finally put me back down on my feet. I was still reluctant to let go, I just didn't want to in case something happened and I never saw him again. It was at that moment I saw a dark shadow out of the corner of my eye. It caused my heart to skip a beat. I lifted my head from its position and looked behind me; my eyes widening. It was the same figure that dragged me through the forest. My grip on Phillip tightened slightly as I watched the figure intently. _What did he want with me? _He had an evil grin fixed on his lips as if he were planning something. I bowed my head slightly, looking back only a few seconds later but he was gone. A small wave of relief ran through my body as I rested my head against Phillip's chest. He may've been gone now, but he'd probably be coming back later - much, much later I hoped. In fact, I'd much rather that I never saw him again; he sent chills up my spin and not the good kind.

* * *

_I was a heavy heart to carry, my beloved was weight down.  
My arms around his neck, my fingers laced to crown._


	10. Ten

A few days had passed and things seemed to have gone back to normal – they were the way they had been before I'd fallen ill. It felt great to be able to walk around the village, hand-in-hand with Phillip, not have to worry about needing to rest or feeling light headed like I used too. Now I could run and be playful. I'd missed being able to do that. We both wandered casually into the forest behind our house, walking along the bank of the river until we came to that place. I paused, staring directly at the area in which Phillip had placed me down. It took a while to process the fact that I would have to forever remember that day, no matter how much I tried to forget it, because every time I came here I'd be reminded of what I'd made him do.

"**Stop worrying so much Elizabeth, everything is going to be okay – I promise you that"  
"I believe you. Truly, I do. I just.. I just regret asking such a task of you. It was not fair"  
"Like I said, stop worrying. My love, you are alive that is all that matters"**

A small curved my lips as that as I cuddled into Phillip's side before we sat down on the bank comfortably. It was a few hours before we'd be required in the village for a ceremony so we had the time to spend together and relax. We sat there for what felt like hours just listening to the sounds of the wildlife; the birds chirping up in the trees, the whistling of the wind and the rushing of the rivers current. It was so peaceful but I couldn't help but acknowledge the eerie feeling around here now. I couldn't shake the feeling that shadowy figure gave me the other day, but I hid it from Phillip with ease.

I caught some movement out of the corner of my eye, the figure reappearing right in front of us. I tensed up briefly, but made sure I relaxed soon after; I couldn't have Phil questioning my actions. I wouldn't know how to explain it. Instead I sat there and just stared in hope the figure would disappear but they didn't happen. He just slowly got closer and closer and it made me feel uneasy. Shifting my weight and leaning more into Phillip's side, I tried to force my mind onto more important matters but I couldn't help but look back at him. Before I knew it, he was standing right in front of us and it seemed like I was the only one that could see him. I shut my eyes and turned my head away; I didn't want to look at it. It frightened me; I just wanted it to go away, to leave me alone.

"**Can we go somewhere else, Phillip? I don't like it here"  
"Of course! Let's go to that place, you know the one"  
"I'd never forget..."**

A large smile formed, stretching from ear to ear almost. Getting to our feet; I felt my chest tighten suddenly, oxygen being pulled from my lungs without me breathing out. I paused for a second before I followed alongside Phillip, my hand tightly gripping his. I wasn't planning to let go; Not with the looming feeling of the figure niggling in the back of my mind. I hoped he didn't follow. I'd be able to tell when he was near though because every time he was within arms' reach my chest would tighten and I couldn't breathe properly – like just now. I inhaled deeply and held onto my breath, I couldn't allow myself to get distracted and bring any attention to what I feared. I didn't want Phillip to know what I'd seen. I couldn't add any more stress, I'd done that enough already.

"**I miss this place"**

I cooed as I nuzzled into his side; a quiet sigh passing my lips. I was hoping that everything would soon right itself, but I had no clue. You didn't always get what you wanted and knowing my luck that would be the case.

"**I miss it too. It feels almost weird to be back here, it seems so different even though nothings physically changed"  
"..I- I know what you mean"**

He was right. It was different. It was eerie. The whole place was. I could see the same figure I'd been seeing more often than I would've liked too. He was just standing there, staring at us. Why? Why was he here? I wanted to know. Every time I would ask myself that question, my mind would flash back to when I made Phillip put me in the river; and when I saw him jump from the waterfall. What did it all mean? I was so confused about it all. I know what I did was wrong; I wanted to make up for my mistakes, but I didn't know how – no one told me. Was this, this thing karma? Or worse!?

"**You okay, love?"  
"Yeah, just… just thinking"  
"What about?"  
"Everything. Ya' know; just what's been going on this past little while. Trying to figure out how to rectify things"  
"There's no need for that"  
"Why's that?"  
"Because. I said so"**

A small smile flicked onto the corners of my lips as Phillip sat on a bench and I placed myself petitely on his lap; my arms wrapping around his neck as his wrapped around my waist. A quiet, childish giggle passed my lips as he purposely tickled at my sides; he always did that. As much as it annoyed me at times, I thought it was a cute quirk of his. Another contented sigh passed my lips as I nuzzled into the crook of his neck.

I felt him tense suddenly, and his grip tighten protectively. I looked up to find his features contorted angrily. I followed his stare to find that same figure I'd been seeing. Could he see it too?

"**What's wrong, Phillip?"**

I questioned, unsure of what to expect in reply – in some way, I didn't really want to know either.

"**He's back."  
"Who?"  
"The same man I kept seeing for days after the river. He taunts me."  
"..huh? Is.. Is it a shadowy-looking figure; that resembles my fathers 'enemy'?"  
"You see him too?"  
"I… I saw him, when I was a spirit and have seen him ever since…"  
"What does he want?"  
"I don't know"**

I kept my eyes focused on the same spot as Phillip, the figure dissipating into nothing after a little while. A small wave of relief ran through my body and I felt Phillip un-tense but his grip remained. It was at that point I felt something change. My chest tightened and no matter how deeply I tried to breathe, it stayed that way.

* * *

_I was a heavy heart to carry, but he never let me down.  
When he had me in his arms, my feet never touched the ground._


	11. Eleven

"**I- I can't breathe"**

My words were raspy and almost in audible. What was happening? I found my breathing begin to become almost non-existent as I turned to Phillip who seemed to be having the same problem. I grabbed a hold of his hand tightly as I tried to control my own breaths. Nothing I was doing was working.

I slipped from Phillip's lap and fell to the ground, hunched over as I struggled to find the necessary oxygen that I needed to survive. I loosely wrapped my hand around my throat as I began to cough; my gaze panning up to find the shadowy figure that seemed to be following me ever since I was miraculously revived – how is still a mystery to me. A singular tear made its way down my cheek as I stared at the figure who seemed rather content considering the situation. I looked at him with pleading eyes but nothing changed, it only got worse.

What had we done that was so wrong? I know my mistake, I tried my hardest to rectify it and this was what I got in return?

I collapsed to the ground as I lost all the strength in my body. I tried to push myself back up but it didn't work, I only fell back to the ground.

"**Eli- Elizabeth?"  
"Phillip!"**

I feebly crawled over to him; he too meeting with the ground. I sat right beside him, my arm wrapping around his torso as I buried myself into his side. It was becoming harder and harder to breathe and my eyesight had become blurry, so much so I couldn't make out anything that was only a few feet in front of me. I felt out for Phillip's hand, linking our fingers together and holding tightly.

Tears began to gather in my eyes and create tracks as they fell down my cheeks. This wasn't fair, it was far from it. I blinked rapidly to try clear my vision, momentarily being able to see the figure again; only now he'd become more refined, as if he were alive. I could see his hand slowly closing into a fist and as it closed in further, I noticed it became that little bit harder to breath. He was doing this, and I didn't even know him. He resembled the man my father banned from the village, but that was all I could pick up. I didn't know his name, or his occupation, or even what his place hand been in the village, if he were a priest or a carpenter – I honestly had no idea.

Why was he doing this? What had I done to him for him to want to do this to me? I clutched at my chest as breathing got harder to do; and I could see Phillip doing the same. Collapsing against Phillip's side; I grabbed a hold of his hand, intertwining my fingers with his as tightly as I could. We didn't say a word, we just sat there waiting… waiting for what seemed to be inevitable.

It was our time.

* * *

_I'm so heavy, heavy in your arms.  
Heavy, I'm so heavy in your arms._


End file.
